I'm A Single Guy - And My Place Looks Great!

The one serious conviction that a man should have is that nothing is to be taken too seriously. ---Nicholas Murray Butler

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The title of this hub is true. Men and women alike come into my environment and they like what they see. Most women do not agree with my style, but they do not deny the results. Men just go "Awesome!"

The belief that men cannot decorate their homes is a myth perpetuated by women. What they really mean is men cannot decorate like women.

This is absolutely true.

The reason for this is because of the difference in the ways men and women think. Most women decorate in "Form Over Function" mode. Men do the complete opposite. I came to this realization after cooking in a couple of restaurants. A professional kitchen is set-up for ease of use, convenience and speed. Pots and pans are hung close to where they are used - easily accessible - and the same goes for cooking utensils, herbs, spices and seasonings. All are kept within easy reach.

I do not understand the accepted belief that men are generally not creative or artistic. If you look at the plethora of professional artistic fields you will find a predominant amount of talented men: Painters, sculptors, chefs, musicians, carpenters, craftsmen, actors, swordsmiths, directors, designers, draftsmen, tailors, photographers, writers, jewelers, metal workers, graphic designers, engineers, landscapers, animators, botanists, glass blowers...

The list goes on and on...

The Functional Kitchen

The first thing I do when setting up a new kitchen is to choose the wall closest to the stove and hang my pots, pans and cooking utensils there. If there's a cupboard above the stove, I take the doors off. This is where I keep herbs, spices, vinegars, baking soda, etc. Then I take the doors off the cupboard closest to the stove. This is where my plates, glasses and cups are kept (be sure to store these doors where you can find them as you'll want to put them back on when you move). Taking the doors off of these cupboards extends your work area, opens up your kitchen and makes it look bigger. I, personally, love the way a kitchen set up in this way looks. And even if you're not a chef, or even a very good cook, a kitchen like this will make it look like you are... and may even inspire you to do a little more cooking.

I knew I wanted to find brick wallpaper for the wall on which I had my pots and pans hanging. This gives any kitchen a very cool, "Italian kitchen" look. But I was having no luck finding any wallpaper that I liked - or even close. Then, while I was walking through Home Depot, headed toward the Wall Decor section, I was stopped in the flooring section. There, were numerous laminate brick and rock flooring samples of all styles, textures and colors.

Why not?

I picked out a Porto Alegre Tuscany Canyon style I liked, purchased just a small amount - enough for one small wall, took it home and put it up with a staple gun. It was foamy; easy to cut and went up easily. Over this rock-covered wall I hung (use medium-sized nails with smallish heads. Hooks pose a problem when putting things away and taking them down) all my cooking tools: Skillets, pots, lids, and cooking utensils of all sorts (it helps if these match - mine are all black and of the same brand).

It looked Great! And I did it myself... for a very reasonable price.

When I hang pictures in the kitchen they are typically pictures of restaurants, herbs posters or menus. The internet is a great resource for this or pick up menus from your favorite restaurant (most will give you one, if asked). And they're framed, or course. A new idea I've been thinking about is pictures of blossoms or plants which create herbs, spices or foods, such as oyster mushrooms, saffron flowers, etc. I don't know yet... it's still in the idea phase.

The kitchen is also where I keep any recipe or food-related books; Breads, sauces, How to Cook Everything, Nestle's Chocolate Cook Book (I'm not lying!), etc. They're either on a shelf put up specifically for them, or in one of the open cupboards.

"Pictures at an Exhibition"

This is the easy part. In a nut shell: Hang posters, paintings, photos, etc at eye level, and hang them straight across - gallery style, and always in a frame. Non-framed pictures, of any kind, stuck on a wall is for teenagers. You want your pictures at eye level (or even a couple of inches lower) because 1: They're easier for you and guests to see at this level. And 2: The lower you hang your pictures, the higher your ceiling will look. It's a cool optical illusion and works in any size room.

Please don't "stagger" your pictures. It is grossly outdated and looks ridiculous. The 60's fad of hanging pictures close to the ceiling and staggering them if there's more than one never seemed to go away with some people, did it?

I learned this trick after visiting an incredible museum at The Farmer's Market in San Francisco. The concept was as clear as day to me. I could easily see everything hanging on the walls - and I was very young and short at the time. It made sense - which I liked, and it was regal looking - which I also liked.

Something I've found to be true is that larger framed pictures look the most impressive. The bigger the better. Even in smaller rooms. And I found every one of my large wooden frames at yard sales.

I was given a really cool T-shirt one year by a roommate. He got it for me for my birthday at a stupidly-overpriced hippie shop. It was acid-washed purple and on the front was a realistic-looking painting of two poison-dart frogs. It was an awesome shirt and I loved it. The problem was, it was extra large. So after hanging on to it for a couple of years and wearing it now and then to laze around the house in, I got the inspiration to display it. I cut the front away from the rest of the shirt, stretched it onto the backing of a large-sized frame I had and hung it on the wall. I've received more compliments on that frogs picture than I have on anything else on my walls.

Try to be consistent, where your frames are concerned, in any one room. Decide what you like best - be it pewter, wood, stainless steel, whatever - and buy frames only made of that material. If you already have a bunch of random frames but would like for them to match, get some spray paint, darker colors look best, and paint them.

Swords

Swords look great hanging on the wall, but the same rule applies as with pictures. Don't hang a sword without a display frame or at least a sword rack. If you've got a fireplace and only one blade, it must be hung over the fireplace. If you do not, a Scotsman will come find you and give you "a right-good thrashing."

It's TRADITION!!

Let the Light In

Interior decorators will spend a lot of time, effort and money on "window treatments." Personally, the only thing I need over a window are blinds. The only thing I use curtains for is to enlarge the look of my windows. I Buy a sturdy curtain rod that's about two feet longer than the window and hang my curtains at the very edges of this rod, making sure they cover the very edges of the window. The advantages of this are two-fold. With no curtains covering any part of my window, I get all the light from said window. With the curtains extended a foot on either side, it looks like my window is two feet longer than it really is.

If you want to try this, your curtains have to be at least as long, or longer, than the window is tall. This also works with shutters, but they should be roughly the same height (or you can use two sets) as the window. With shutters, wood looks great but you can paint them any color to match your decor. Hang the shutters right against the outside edges of your window frame. Obviously, you can't use shutters and curtains.

Mirrors

Mirrors make a room look bigger. The bigger the mirror and the more of them there are, the greater the affect. Mirrors also reflect light so you don't need to use as much electricity.

The coolest affect I've ever seen done with mirrors was in an issue of Apartment Life Magazine (way back when I was married and Pong was just being launched). Three tall and framed arched mirrors (see right) were placed on an otherwise empty wall. They were hung so that they stood flat on the floor, were perfectly spaced and appeared to be at least six feet tall. This gave the illusion of another room on the other side of the arched and columned divider.

Lighting

Of course, a sunroof is what most people want, including me, but lighting in a home typically consists of table or floor lamps. Personally I like floor lamps because they free-up table space more important things, like reading material, snack bowls or the video game controller. Lighting is also the aspect of decorating in which you can be the most creative. And led rope lighting is the most fun to experiment with. They can be placed in all kinds of places - purely for affect, or for safety, like lining a staircase.

A cool thing I did with rope lights was to place a string of yellow ones under my kitchen counter. It looked incredible and gave me enough light to see without always having to turn the overhead on.

And not to be overlooked; this kind of low, alternative lighting is very romantic!

The "Showroom" Syndrome

If you were to see my sister's living room you would be impressed. It's well-furnished with all the latest - and expensive - furniture, wall hangings, window treatments, lamps, etc. She did it all herself, but it looks like a professional decorator did it...

That's because one did.

If you scan the latest home decor magazines and/or search the furniture stores, you're bound to see the latest version of my sister's living room... and her kitchen, den and bedroom. There is no arguing with the fact that her home looks nice, but it is not inviting, warm or cozy, and it says nothing about the person, or persons, who live there. It could just as easily be anyone else's living room in anyone else's home... and probably is.

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Make it Your Own

If you were to walk into my living room the first thing you would say is "You sure can tell who lives here." I know this from experience. My environment reflects the things I do and the things I'm interested in and is always evolving. There are swords on the wall, paintings which my brother (who is a federal inmate) did specifically for me, a home gym or work-out equipment in the room - where I use them while watching TV. There is dark polished wood and brass everywhere you look, because I like dark polished wood and brass. Natural light floods the room from the wide-open windows and is reflected from the numerous mirrors. The books I've read, or am in the process of reading, are in the bookcase and hanging somewhere, in a frame, is either a Zildjian or a poster of the latest V-drums (electronic/computerized drums) I've been drooling over, and there are always a pair of drumsticks (Pro Mark - Jazz) close at hand.

The computer and the TV are both prominent in the room because I use both frequently, and the smells of coffee and cooking food are frequently in the air. You're also sure to be subjected to the scents of Dragon Slayer essential oil (patchouli/amber/musk) and that of a wax tart which is typically melting in the dragon & wizard tart warmer. The scent is usually sage & citrus (my favorite) but I'll often experiment with a new scent if I come across one that sounds interesting. I don't think I'll ever completely get over the trappings of hippieism. And, I don't care!

It is a warm, clean (OK, maybe I don't dust as often as I should), thoroughly enjoyable place to be.

Story and layout: LemonadeMultimedia